It is a fact that with these colder seasons comes a sudden outburst of lovey-dovey feelings. Who knows what causes this; perhaps it's all the cuddling up underneath a blanket, the coming home to a warm nest, or the general cosiness that comes with sharing these holly jolly days with a person you love. 'Tis the romantic season, that's for sure, and being a long-term single myself, I can honestly say that however much I love Autumn and Winter, they do come with a bit more moments in which I feel rather lonely. Now, I'm not one to whine about these sort of things and I often turn to humour when this topic comes up among friends, but I thought it was time to share a couple of thoughts I tend to keep for myself when such a moment or conversation occurs. Because, well... Sometimes you just need to, don't you?
IT'S TOTALLY OKAY TO FEEL HOW YOU FEEL
That it's fine to not feel all tough about your single life all the time is something I tell myself quite often lately. It's true that 'not having a man' doesn't define me at all, and in a world where it's absolutely fine to not have the need to settle down I often felt guilty whenever I was sad about such a relatively small thing as being single for almost three years. Not anymore, though. I think it's important to know that whatever you feel when it comes to this particular topic - whether it's sad, angry, happy or indifferent (or if you're like me: all of the above, alternately) - you should never ever think you're a pathetic human being for it. You're not weak for wanting someone to share your life with, just as you're not heartless when you don't. As for me, I feel fine most of the time, really really. But sometimes I just want to lose myself in a corny song or a romantic classic, have a little cry about feeling lonely and then move on to the next day as if nothing happened. So there!
PLACING THE BLAME
I think it's quite safe to say that the person you most often 'blame' for your single life is yourself. I'm absolutely sure the right thing to say on this topic is "well, don't!", but I know for a fact just how difficult that is. I've lost track of how many times I've asked myself if there was something wrong with me. Am I not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not funny enough, not smart enough, or just weird? Do I set the bar too high, myself? I've blamed myself for losing interest in truly great fellas, really, assuming I'm just not girlfriend material. And every single time that very list crosses my mind, I realise how ridiculous it all sounds. Scratch the whole thing, because I absolutely hate that those traits are still set in stone in my own head, no matter how hard I try to fight it. If it clicks with someone, it clicks. If it doesn't, well, I suppose it's just not right, is it? Let's go back to that first sentence in this paragraph and just tell ourselves "well, don't!" and keep repeating it. It's important.
Ever feel like you'll turn out a crazy cat lady (which actually doesn't sound too bad to me), grow old on your own and then just one day snuff out without ever really knowing what the hell the whole 'true love' thing was? That all sounds a bit over the top or harsh, even, but you know... Those thoughts tend to cross one's mind at one point. First of all; come on... Ban that thought and think of everything you do have in your life, especially the people. Friends, family, your cat (yup, crazy cat lady benefit right there), they're al worth ten boyfriends, right? And if all else fails there's this beautiful thing called hope. Never lose it because it's great to hang on to, really. Just take my word for it.
FIND YOUR WAY
While I would like to repeat what I wrote about in the first paragraph; that it's totally okay for you to succumb to your feelings, I also feel like you shouldn't let this teensy tiny stumble in the road define your life. Find a way to deal with it. I'm not one for dating apps, for example, but I do know it could work for some people as long as you don't jump at the next best thing and are careful. Think of something else; find distraction in hobbies, your friends, things you love. Talk about it. Or, you know... Write a blogpost.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic, single or not, so be sure to leave them in the comments if you have the time!