Hullo there, and first and foremost my apologies for hardly posting anything during Summer. The truth is, this post has been hanging around my drafts for quite some time, the only permanent bit a title and the unbearable 'yes-no' internal dialogue about whether I would throw all the thoughts I was having out in the open. At the end of Summer, however, and as I'm finally shaking off all things bad, I am about to take that leap. So hold on to your butts and bear with me for a couple of minutes. I promise it'll get better as you get to the end of it. ;-)
Now, you might know this already because I'm really not subtle about this at all; I am probably one of the biggest whiners ever about Summer. This year, however, contrary to the usual whining about something as superficial as temperatures being too high to my liking, it turned into quite something else. It probably started after I came back from Scotland, which was by far my most amazing travel experience ever, and tried to get back into the flow of daily life. I said 'tried', because I just couldn't. I didn't feel like doing anything, had no creative ideas or inspiration at all - hence the silence -, left for work on automatic pilot, put on a happy face only to immediately lose it the minute I got back home, lost track of friends, and whatever else you might think of when you try to imagine what a pathetic single person's life looks like. My self-confidence was all but gone, and whenever I did manage to go out it seemed like the little bit of fun I'd been having that night (once I got over feeling somewhat superfluous, that is. Another awesome thought my brain tended to jump to this Summer) was fake and all for nothing so I much rather stayed at home the night after. I realised I was prone to these kinds of feelings, however much I knew they were silly, and that there was only one thing for it; struggle and punch my way through them. That was the majority of July and August.
Then came the end of August and with it a lot of things that seemed pretty lost to me. My hobbies, mainly, dragged me back into life. My friends, the ones I'd lost track of and the ones I never knew would mean this much to me, showed up and took me under their wings without even realising I needed it so much. And the biggest victory? That one belongs to me, I suppose. I stopped overthinking things too much and tried just going for things I usually wouldn't dare to do or say. I started casually (ahem) mentioning it to friends or family whenever I felt bad - for which I am eternally sorry, people, but it helped - instead of bottling it all up inside, and that, for me, was one of the biggest steps I have ever taken when it comes to figuring this all out. And most of all: while I was wasting a perfectly good Summer, I sort of bumped into myself and finally had a couple of epiphanies I should've had a long time ago.
THE NEW BEGINNINGS
One of the biggest revelations is probably discovering what I really like doing apart from writing. All that loneliness and wasting away at home while I distracted myself with chores and redecorating lead to the lightning strike-worthy idea of enrolling into an Interior Stylist and Colour Consultant course. I'm starting next Saturday and let me just tell you, as the worst student ever: I have never felt so excited about anything study-related. I really feel like giving it my all and owning these lessons for the next couple of years, feeling like this really is something that could add value to my person, whether it's hobby- or job-wise.
Apart from that, there are a few other things I'm vowing to do, of which the biggest one is appreciating the people in my life a lot more than I used to, along with putting a stop to doubting myself. Take more pictures, act on whims, care less about what other people think, wear what I want, buy the thing (kidding, after Scotland and that course enrollment? Broke as hell.), go for drinks in the middle of the week, be myself, however weird or nerdy or girly, find the one, or better: be the one. So, dear blog readers, ye be warned.
September is for new beginnings, and I can't wait to start.