From Winter right on to Valentine’s Day; it’s no secret that this time of the year can be pretty stressful, unpleasant, and downright annoying to those of us who are single, especially for those who have been for a long time. I’m right there with ya, peeps, and although I’ve mostly depicted myself as a happy single, girl-power-and-all kind of person, there are definitely moments of loneliness, often accompanied by feeling hopeless and being absolutely sure that this is it and I’ll just end up alone and that’s that. I’m absolutely sure I’m not the only one, and those are just moments that we have to get through to come out stronger, so I’ve summed up a couple of things that have helped me, and will hopefully help you when you have a case of the ol’ Valentine’s Day blues.
Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself.
First up? Reality check! On multiple levels. The first one being that we should all at least try to see that loneliness isn’t a fact, but a feeling. Whenever I feel lonely, myself, the only reason why is because I’m focusing on just one aspect of companionship while there are tons of others right there to snap me out of that. Friends, family, pets, and M E. So, try strengthening the relationships you have with all of those first, instead of expecting a perfect significant other to just drop out of the sky.
That’s another thing to check; your own expectations. Are they even achievable? Worth being stuck on? That dropping out of the sky thing? Definitely not. Expecting your friends to have your back and be there in a blimp when they don’t even know how you feel? Nope. Try to work on that. Talk about it. Approach new relationships with a lighter attitude, perhaps, as long as you don’t lose sight of yourself and your feelings.
And then there’s the big one, my favourite reality check and the one question I always ask myself whenever I feel but an inkling of hopelessness creep back in: “Why am I single again?” The answer is, of course, because I haven’t met anyone that fits 100%, and I haven’t been somebody’s 100% either, myself. And that’s A-OK. More than OK, actually, because it’s helped me get to know my own value by being able to focus solely on myself, who I am, and who I want to be.
Yes. That does mean it’ll get even more difficult (when you know your own value, you’ll be even pickier about who to let in and why, etcetera, etcetera), but I’ve always refused to lower my expectations and, well… I would hate it if someone lowered theirs for me. If you feel even remotely close to being THAT desperate, by the way, there’s only one thing I can urge you to do, and that’s to watch Daniel Sloss’ Special on Netflix. That man is soooo much better at explaining what I mean than I am. ;)
Stop criticising yourself. It’s just not true AND you could be putting bad vibes out there, and frankly: those aren’t very attractive to begin with. I realise that sounds a bit harsh, but I’ve always believed that if you keep the blame in your camp and never learn to appreciate and love yourself, you can’t possibly expect anyone else to do just that.
Stop focusing on what you don’t have, and focus on what you DO.
Stop hiding. Speak out about feeling lonely, either publicly (here I am, hiya) or privately, and that’s your first step of getting help. Vent to other single people. You’ll always end up laughing at your own (pretty ridiculous, you’ll realise) misery and feel just that little less alone. And if all of that doesn’t help or you can’t possibly think of anyone that would want to listen to you? Please, seek professional help. It’s definitely nothing to be ashamed of because, really, no one can or should go it alone.
Believe In Magic.
And miracles. Come on, just a little bit. “What’s meant for you will come”, “never lose hope” and all that bleep. You know you want to, and sometimes that’s the only thing you CAN do. Next to binging some RomComs, curse your life when Chris Evans appears on your Twitter timeline being the perfect human being he is, cover your cats’ little heads with kisses (they secretly love that, I swear), shrug it off when another friend’s engagement, house-buying-thing or pregnancy is announced, crawl into bed and start a new day with nothing but good thoughts and lots of Choco Pops. That helps, too.
Q || Want to talk loneliness or singledom, in the comments or privately? I’m here.